Written by Gwen Brown


Growing up, the only frame of reference I had for people in the military were the recruiters who frequented my high school and Rambo. Which is not the most positive or realistic representation, as you might guess. Even as a young adult studying peace-making and conflict resolution at university, my perspective regarding the armed forces was narrow and limited. It wasn’t until I met and eloped with my husband that I truly got a glimpse of the military community and the prominent culture that comes with it. When we first married, I remember being elated about having a steady income and Tricare that came with my husband’s enlistment in the Marine Corps.

At that point, his enlistment was just his job. I didn’t see it as any different than me holding a job. However, as time went on, I realized there was much more to it than that. Once the shine of healthcare and new duty stations wore off, I was left as a new wife struggling with this unknown environment and lifestyle. I began spending nights alone as my husband’s unit required additional, extensive hours. Making friends with the other spouses was difficult, as I didn’t understand any of the abbreviations or processes yet. The cultures and norms of the base lifestyle differed from what I grew up doing, and I found myself floundering. Repeatedly, my husband was forced to drop everything and dedicate all his time and energy to his military career, which left me picking up the slack at home time and time again. On top of that, I was constantly reminded that my husband’s obligation was to the military first and me second. After all, “if the Marine Corps wanted you to have a wife, they would have issued you one.” As the years went by, and I got more comfortable within the military community, I eventually found my place within it.

From deployments, extended trainings, the physical demands/injuries, and frequent moves, the lifestyles within the military are demanding and often challenging to manage. I witnessed other military spouses struggle to be single parents during their partner’s deployments or odd work hours. Seeing them having to stretch a financially thin paycheck further than it may allow. Often far from their hometowns, families, and friends, the isolation that these people were experiencing was profound. The military members themselves were coping with immense stress, lack of control, trauma, and loneliness.

While resources exist for the military community, they are not as utilized and supportive as they need to be. The fear and stigma against reaching out prohibits many members and their families from getting the help they deserve. Even when they do reach out, the support offered is often limited in depth and impact. This gap in meaningful and helpful resources for this community is a huge aspect of what drove me to pursue a career as a therapist. For the members and their families who sacrifice so much of themselves, the hurdles they have to jump to receive quality care are quite appalling.

Now that I’ve been a part of the community, that is my frame of reference for the military. I’ve seen military spouses rally around each other to survive through extended deployments. I’ve seen military children push out of their comfort zones with each move, continuously making new friends wherever they go. I’ve seen exhausted military members come home from long shifts and take their children to the basketball court to get some hoops in at the end of a brutal day. I’ve seen military members and their families push through the separations, strain, isolation, and difficulties that come with being a part of the military community.

Our military communities truly represent resilience. The community possesses a beautiful blend of fellowship, patriotism, and humanity that continues to inspire me. I married into the military lifestyle naive and primarily excited about free healthcare. I exist in the military community now, having been nourished and nurtured by the most selfless individuals I’ve ever met. For how much the military has given me (as a human, as an American, as a military spouse), I’d like to return the kindness. That is what I aim to do with my therapeutic space. For those of you who are a part of the military tribe, I’ll always have room for you. Let me see and hear you, and perhaps together, we can lighten that load you’ve been carrying.

To schedule with Gwen, call or text 801-515-2282